Reading through any band break up story, you'll be forced to contend with one factor that will always be evident - ego. Most bands over the ages have broken up because of their own, or somebody else's ego. Nobody ever stopped playing music just because they were shit all of a sudden and people were not buying their records.
Take The Beatles as an example. A band I worship. Huge in the 60's, and then suddenly broke up in the 70s, after just ten years of ruling the music world as arguably, the best band there ever was! Like any other band, this was the story of four friends who came together to jam in their backyard, had failures, then success. Success - so much success, at one point they were called 'bigger than Jesus Christ himself'. And nobody even protested. Try doing that today in 'secular India'. Call somebody bigger than Jesus Christ, and you'll have a riot in your hands. But not when The Beatles were playing 'Yesterday' in Madison Square or the old Wembley.
But what is that makes friendships sour? Is it just the ego? Or is it competing priorities. Is it the fact that the human brain is never content with what it has, and always looks for more. Are we programmed to be greedy as human beings, even in friendships. Do we want 'better friends'? I'm not going to go all shallow and say prettier friends, or even richer friends. But do we, maybe, want friends who will give us richer experiences, and not just the mundane conversations. The friend who drinks wants a friend who drinks, the smoker wants a 1 PM post-lunch buddy. Are we at the end of the day looking for like-minded people?
I remember a quote from Manu Joseph's 'Serious Man' that resonated with me. Don't we all at the end of the day just want to be better than our friends? Mind you, not all are as ambitious. But there always is the odd friendship where competition is ingrained. My best friend and I have been competing right from school. He was the better cricket player, and I the better footballer. He was a stud at math, and I at accounts. He got into Chennai's best commerce college, and I didn't. We didn't speak for a year. Then I passed my CA exams in the first attempt, and suddenly, we were talking again. Do we only speak to people when we are successful? Is friendship not all-weather.
The Beatles broke up because they had songwriting issues. Their lead singer was also in love. There are a lot of versions to that story, but the version they all agreed to was disagreements over the music they made. Only John Lennon and Paul McCartney wrote their songs, but suddenly George Harrison's (my personal favourite) songs were finding more mileage. They had to include his tracks too. This was the 70s, and before you know it, they are fighting for space on the disk. It ended with Paul McCartney walking out on The Beatles. 'This is just business, but you will always be my best friends', he apparently said. But they never spoke again.
I haven't been speaking to many people I thought were going to be friends through life. It would almost be funny if it was not as sad, but at some time during our friendship, we almost always promised to be best men at each other's weddings. Little did we know our friendship came with a timestamp, just like that milk you bought from the grocery. Most of these guys are today not even on my Facebook friends list.
In 2011, when I created my Facebook profile, I had 1k+ friends. Today, I have less than 900. Aren't we supposed to be making friends as we grow older? Isn't that how this life thing should work? Not let go of people, but get to know more. Evidently not.
Maybe we get bored of mundane gossips over time. The bad A-jokes will bore you, the drunken dancing is not funny anymore. Maybe the people you thought you knew have changed. People change all the time, and that is not even a surprise. Friendships sour because of ego, changing priorities, human beings who think they are more important than they actually are, sometimes love (Hello, Yoko Ono! Thanks for breaking the Beatles up!), and a false sense of self worth.
Little do we realize the person you are hanging out with today will be a stranger tomorrow. Whom you hung out with yesterday, has already become a stranger today. At some point in your life, you and your friends will meet up for the last time, go out for your last meal together, and probably share your last laugh - and you will not know it. As Mr Keating says in Dead Poets Society, 'Carpe Diem, boys. Seize the moment'. You never know what's going to happen tomorrow.
Take The Beatles as an example. A band I worship. Huge in the 60's, and then suddenly broke up in the 70s, after just ten years of ruling the music world as arguably, the best band there ever was! Like any other band, this was the story of four friends who came together to jam in their backyard, had failures, then success. Success - so much success, at one point they were called 'bigger than Jesus Christ himself'. And nobody even protested. Try doing that today in 'secular India'. Call somebody bigger than Jesus Christ, and you'll have a riot in your hands. But not when The Beatles were playing 'Yesterday' in Madison Square or the old Wembley.
But what is that makes friendships sour? Is it just the ego? Or is it competing priorities. Is it the fact that the human brain is never content with what it has, and always looks for more. Are we programmed to be greedy as human beings, even in friendships. Do we want 'better friends'? I'm not going to go all shallow and say prettier friends, or even richer friends. But do we, maybe, want friends who will give us richer experiences, and not just the mundane conversations. The friend who drinks wants a friend who drinks, the smoker wants a 1 PM post-lunch buddy. Are we at the end of the day looking for like-minded people?
I remember a quote from Manu Joseph's 'Serious Man' that resonated with me. Don't we all at the end of the day just want to be better than our friends? Mind you, not all are as ambitious. But there always is the odd friendship where competition is ingrained. My best friend and I have been competing right from school. He was the better cricket player, and I the better footballer. He was a stud at math, and I at accounts. He got into Chennai's best commerce college, and I didn't. We didn't speak for a year. Then I passed my CA exams in the first attempt, and suddenly, we were talking again. Do we only speak to people when we are successful? Is friendship not all-weather.
The Beatles broke up because they had songwriting issues. Their lead singer was also in love. There are a lot of versions to that story, but the version they all agreed to was disagreements over the music they made. Only John Lennon and Paul McCartney wrote their songs, but suddenly George Harrison's (my personal favourite) songs were finding more mileage. They had to include his tracks too. This was the 70s, and before you know it, they are fighting for space on the disk. It ended with Paul McCartney walking out on The Beatles. 'This is just business, but you will always be my best friends', he apparently said. But they never spoke again.
I haven't been speaking to many people I thought were going to be friends through life. It would almost be funny if it was not as sad, but at some time during our friendship, we almost always promised to be best men at each other's weddings. Little did we know our friendship came with a timestamp, just like that milk you bought from the grocery. Most of these guys are today not even on my Facebook friends list.
In 2011, when I created my Facebook profile, I had 1k+ friends. Today, I have less than 900. Aren't we supposed to be making friends as we grow older? Isn't that how this life thing should work? Not let go of people, but get to know more. Evidently not.
Maybe we get bored of mundane gossips over time. The bad A-jokes will bore you, the drunken dancing is not funny anymore. Maybe the people you thought you knew have changed. People change all the time, and that is not even a surprise. Friendships sour because of ego, changing priorities, human beings who think they are more important than they actually are, sometimes love (Hello, Yoko Ono! Thanks for breaking the Beatles up!), and a false sense of self worth.
Little do we realize the person you are hanging out with today will be a stranger tomorrow. Whom you hung out with yesterday, has already become a stranger today. At some point in your life, you and your friends will meet up for the last time, go out for your last meal together, and probably share your last laugh - and you will not know it. As Mr Keating says in Dead Poets Society, 'Carpe Diem, boys. Seize the moment'. You never know what's going to happen tomorrow.
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